Why you need to prioritise me-time, especially if you are parenting alone

Why you need to prioritise me time, and a few ideas of what to do as part of your selfcare regime, Alifeleadsimply single mama
Why you need to prioritise me time, and a few ideas of what to do as part of your selfcare regime, Alifeleadsimply single mama

“There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling leaves and remember that it is enough to be taken care of by myself.” ~Brian Andreas

Do you prioritise yourself? Do you remember that you have to take care of yourself?

Have you ever thought about this?

I know. You are busy, the days are too short, the workload too heavy, the kids too demanding. And even more so if you are doing it by yourself as a single mama. Finding the time and space to take care of yourself can be challenging. Sometimes it can even feel impossible. But for your own sake, as well as those around you, you need to make it a priority. If you do not, you cannot be surprised by burnout, exhaustion, foul moods, anxiety, and trying to exist, all in a mental fog.

Society puts so much pressure on us to succeed. Add to that obsessive, competitive personalities and additional pressure to be the best mother/daughter/partner/businesswomen/friend/etc. and you have a recipe for disaster. So often we don’t even notice that we are running at full steam, without ever taking a break to recharge. From the outside, it looks as if we have it all together – a thriving career, obedient well-rounded kids, a loving relationship, a clean house. But on the inside, we are slowly dying of exhaustion. Of course, most of the goals that we are killing ourselves to meet were set by us ourselves, and only we will know if we do not reach them. But still, we allow the pressure to steal our time. Time that is also meant to be enough to take care of ourselves.

So what is self-care?

Self-care is knowing who you are, and what you need to ensure your own tank is full. That tank includes your emotional, physical, intellectual, spiritual and social sides. All of these aspects must be balanced and fed, often, to ensure that you live instead of merely exist, that you thrive instead of simply survive.

I found this beautiful definition when I did the research for this post. I cannot remember where it was from, so if you recognise it or it is your own, please let me know so that I can reference you! The author said something along the lines of:

“Self-care is not a one-time thing that you can tick off a bucket list. It’s the constant repetition of many tiny habits, which together soothe you and make sure you’re at your optimum—emotionally, physically, and mentally”

Do you want to be at your best – emotionally, physically and mentally? Then focus on yourself for a bit and for a change! Self-care doesn’t have to take time, it can be small things that you do on a daily basis, which fits into your busy schedule. And it also doesn’t have to cost a thing!

Self-care rests on 5 pillars:

  1. Intellectual
  2. Spiritual
  3. Emotional
  4. Physical
  5. Social
Why you need to prioritise me time, and a few ideas of what to do as part of your selfcare regime, Alifeleadsimply single mama

Do something that supports and feeds each of these pillars as part of your self-care routine and you’ll nourish every aspect of your life.


If the promise of a better you were too vague to convince you, here are 5 benefits of practising self-care that might make you see this differently:

1.    Looking after yourself can actually improve your productivity

Saying “no” to things that would otherwise over-extend you simplifies your life in a wonderful way. When you do not have these mindless activities filling up your day you actually have time to spend on things that matter, allowing you to spend your energy on worthwhile activities.

2.    It can increase your resistance to disease (boosts your immune system)

When you take care of yourself you activate your parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), allowing your body to rest, rejuvenate and recharge. This feeds your system, giving it the energy and strength to fight off those nasties that would otherwise make you sick.

3.    Self-care improves your self-esteem

Knowing that you are worth looking after immediately makes you value yourself more. Being good to yourself decreases negative self-talk, making you a more positive person in the long run. And positivity has many benefits!

4.    It gives you the space to get to know yourself

When last did you take the time to figure out what you love, what you hate, what you don’t mind and what you wish? Practicing self-care requires thinking about what you really love to do. The exercise of figuring out what makes you feel passionate and inspired can help you understand yourself a lot better.

5.    If your own tanks are full, you have more to give others

Self-care gives you the resources you need to be compassionate to others as well. Giving compassion is a bit like filling a bucket; you can’t fill someone else’s if you don’t have enough of your own!

Little and often wins the day

Here are tiny ways to exercise self-care and take better care of you. I have grouped them together according to the 5 pillars of self-care. Pick one exercise or activity from each group, and incorporate it into your life somewhere during the week.

Tiny self-care ideas for the mind (intellect)

  1. Read a book on something that interests you. Not a magazine, an actual book.
  2. Look at your to-do list. Scratch of the things that are not necessary, as well as those items that are transferred from list to list. If you are never going to do it, take it off the list.
  3. Go cloud-watching. Lie on your back, relax, and watch the sky. Use your imagination to see shapes and scenes.
  4. Change a routine in your life. Take another route to work, order a different coffee, or change your ringtone. Mixing up your routine in small ways creates new neural pathways in the brain, helping to keep it healthy.
  5. Enjoy a big belly laugh. Find something that gives you joy, and that is absurdly funny. Enjoy!
  6. Learn something new that challenges you, but that is fun at the same time, e.g. take a dance class, learn how to knit, do a crossword.
  7. Be selfish. Do one thing today just because it makes you happy.
  8. Do a mini-declutter. Recycle three things from your wardrobe that you don’t love or regularly wear.
  9. Get out of your comfort zone, even if it’s just talking to a stranger at the bus stop.
  10. Edit your social media feeds, and take out any negative people.

Tiny self-care ideas for the body (physical)

  1. Run, jog or walk for a few minutes. Exercise of any kind is a great mood booster and de-stressor.
  2. Make one small positive change to your diet for the week. Drink an extra glass of water each day, or have an extra portion of vegetables with each meal. This can also include eliminating something from your diet for the week – no chocolate, no milk, no coffee. Just remember this is not to punish yourself, rather reward yourself with better, healthier habits.
  3. Be still. Sit somewhere outside, preferably in the sun, and be quiet for a few minutes. Always practice caution!
  4. Use essential oils in a diffuser, to calm you, give you focus, energise, etc. Try peppermint to suppress food cravings and boost mood and motivation, plus an extra burst of energy.
  5. Listen to music. Explore different genres and new artists.
  6. Do yoga. Even if you’ve never tried it. Doing a mindful practice has many more benefits than just giving you a good stretch.
  7. Nap when you need to. Just 20 minutes can make you feel mentally and physically refreshed.
  8. Say “no” to invitations when you’re simply too tired to enjoy them, or if the gathering will just drain you mentally.
  9. Take a long bath, with bath salts and oil, candles and soft music. Read or just lie there and dream.
  10. Commit to enough hours of sleep per night, barring exceptional circumstances (figure out how much sleep you need to function optimally).

Tiny self-care ideas for the soul (spiritual)

  1. Read the Bible, and be still with God.
  2. Choose who you spend your time with today. This includes social media. Cut out people who only drain you.
  3. Stroke a pet. If you don’t have one, go to the park and find one. (Ask first!)
  4. Make a small connection. Have a few sentences of conversation with someone in customer services such as a sales assistant or barista.
  5. Have a self-date. Spend an hour alone doing something that nourishes you (reading, your hobby, visiting a museum or gallery, etc.)
  6. Identify one of your strengths. Think about what you’re good at, and find an opportunity to use it.
  7. Ask for help—big or small, just reach out and allow someone else to be there for you.
  8. Go to church.
  9. Be creative, whether through art, music, writing or something else entirely.
  10. Go on a trip, even just a lunch trip, with the sole purpose of photographing things that inspire you.

Tiny self-care activities for your moods (emotional)

  1. Keep a daily journal, and be totally honest about your feelings.
  2. Write a list of “feeling words” to expand your emotional vocabulary.
  3. Make time to be with a friend or family member who truly understands you.
  4. Let yourself cry when you need to. Allow yourself to experience your emotions.
  5. Sing along to happy music.
  6. Cuddle up under a soft blanket. It is ok to allow yourself to feel comforted and comfortable.
  7. Watch the flames of a candle or a fire.
  8. Have crazy good chocolate. Or a glass of wine. 
  9. Walk barefoot in the grass.
  10. Volunteer to help a cause that means something to you.

Tiny self-care activities for your social life (social)

  1. Make a date to have lunch or dinner with a good friend.
  2. Write an email to someone who lives far away, but whom you miss.
  3. Reach out to someone you like but haven’t seen in a while.
  4. Consider joining a group of people who share your interests.
  5. Stop socializing with those who undermine or disempower you.
  6. Strike up a conversation with someone interesting.
  7. Sign up for a class to learn something and meet new people at the same time.
  8. Spend time with a parent or mentor—someone who makes you feel protected and inspired.
  9. Look into local retreats where you can meet like-minded people and escape from society.
  10. Hug someone you love (friend, family member or partner) for 12-15 seconds—studies show this boosts immune system function and prompts the release of calming hormones.

I am sure that you will be able to find at least one thing from this list of 50 things that will entice you. Whatever you choose, remember to choose YOU. Refuel so that you can be the best version of you.

Have you tried any of these ideas? Let me know how you felt!

Why you need to prioritise me time, and a few ideas of what to do as part of your selfcare regime, Alifeleadsimply single mama
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