Simplify your life - Things to discuss before committing
Relationships take work, lots and lots of hard work. If you don’t put work into it, you cannot be surprised if it doesn’t work out. That being said, sometimes it is easier to determine whether or not it might actually work before you commit. I don’t want to sound pessimistic, but all of us should have a few non-negotiables in our lives, and if the person who you are committing to goes against these things, you should want to find that out sooner rather than later. Before you put in all of the hard work trying to make something succeed that is doomed from the start. Most people would say sure, discuss the big things before getting married or committing to anything long term. They then list kids, in-laws, and finances as the big things to sort out. I tend to disagree. Yes, these things will lead to arguments should you not agree on how to handle or approach them, but I feel it is the small everyday things that will ultimately end your relationship. Things that we tend to overlook because they become habit, or they feel so normal, that we cannot think they might be a problem to someone else. So here is my list of things to discuss and resolve before committing;
1. How early will you arrive at the airport, for domestic as well as international flights
2. Tying in with no. 1, how do you feel about being late?
3. How will we divide chores? And will we be willing to help each other out if the other is tied up?
4. If one of us have the opportunity to relocate, how will we handle that?
5. Show me your debt! Let us discuss how we are going to cover and handle it
6. Share with me your budget, and can we draw up a new combined budget. Will you stick to it?
7. What is the perfect temperature for our home, in the car, etc. On our bed, how many blankets, do you sleep with an electric blanket, do you like a comforter or duvet? Flat sheets or only fitted sheets? And your view on winter sheets?
8. Any boundaries with opposite-sex (or same-sex) friends that you would like me to respect?
9. Do you even want kids? And if you do, how many, how far apart, and when. If one of us turns out to be infertile, how will we handle that? View on adoption, surrogacy, or no kids?
10. How will we celebrate birthdays, holidays and other special occasions? Which holidays are important to you, and why?
11. For birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas, what are your gift expectations?
12. How would you like me to treat your parents, family, and friends? How often would you like to see them, and have contact with them?
13. How do you handle conflict, and how would we resolve it? How would you like me to treat you when we fight? Determine fight rules, and enforce them when you get into an argument
14. How do we deal with illness, both when one of us gets sick as well as when someone close to us gets sick? What would you classify as sick? When, if ever, will you take sick leave, and will you take family responsibility leave if I was sick?
15. What is your pooping habits, and how private would we like our bathroom habits to be?
16. How do you feel about porn, both printed as well as videos?
17. How rough do you like sex to be? Any fantasies or fetishes I must be aware of? Any taboos?
18. Who will kill spiders, moths, and other bugs? What are your views on actually killing the insects, and your view on insecticide?
19. When you get home after work, what would your ideal routine be?
20. Do you shower or bath at night, or in the mornings, or both? How often do you wash your towels, bedding and pajamas?
Some of these points might seem trivial or downright stupid, but believe you me, Husband and I have fought over at least half of them! Some things on the list I don’t know the answer to, and we have been together for more than a decade. Apparently I have some homework to do myself.
Share with me anything you think must be added to the list!